Birth order or is it really the just the red hair.........

I have never been more aware of how my personality traits, qualities, skills and life experiences have served me until I began working part time as a bartender recently.  Being behind the bar requires so much more than serving drinks.  It is a fast paced, organized, carefully orchestrated job that requires everything I have learned about interpersonal skills, relationship building, style, grace, tolerance and yes, control.  Now don't get me wrong, it is all of these things but it is a damn good time too!  While it is a full and complete departure from the professional career that had me tied to a computer or blackberry for the last 19 years, everything I am and all that I have learned are applied to my job behind the bar every time I set foot behind the bar.  While this experience may be only be temporary until I figure out what and where my professional career journey will take me, I find myself asking......The person I am, the personality and traits I possess, how much of it is really related to the red locks I posses (she asks with a half smile) or the fact that I am a first born?

So you might be asking yourself, what the hell is she talking about, where is this blog post going and what does it have to do with being a Redhead?  I am getting there. Remember, this is my blog.......

I have always thought of myself as a take charge, "need to be in control of everything" kind of person. A fearless, strong willed, confident and competitive woman. I guess my perception of myself has evolved from years of being told both personally and professionally that I have boundless energy, I am a Type A personality, I am competitive, compassionate, loving, short tempered, and a little mischievous and oh, yes, probably the most often mentioned, I have this innate need to take charge and be in control, of everything and always try to have the last word.

My mom insisted I read the book Birth Order as it would explain a lot about who I am. It did. I learned the First born child tends to be extremely confident, a high achiever, driven, self assured and determined to be successful.  Yes, that is all me!!!   I must confess however, I also believe that being a redhead also explains so much as well.  If it didn't then redheads wouldn't be talked about, studied or referred to as much as we are. (Interesting fact: Of all the women who color their hair, 30 percent choose to become redheads—more than the 27 percent who go brunette and the 26 percent who go blond. Some scientists theorize that these women are capitalizing on the perception of the fiery redhead to signal to men that they are looking for partners. (Ok, it’s a theory!)

Via http://www.divinecaroline.com/37/71866-red-hot-redheads-cool-facts-carrot/2#ixzz1tRux3dYW

Now at first glance, one might think that most of these are complimentary descriptions and yes, to a degree they are, however for me, I also remember hearing these adjectives used in discussions with a tone and intent that was not always so complimentary.  Don't get me wrong, I have been praised for most of these qualities my entire professional career and life but as a kid growing up in school and when it comes to my interpersonal relationships, well, that is where this road takes a slight turn.

 There can be a downside to these "qualities" and "personality traits” I can hear actually hear my mother's words now.  The words she spoke during our many arguments, fights actually (yes, they were often screaming matches but I was 15 and well, 16, 17 and 18).  I am positive that I drove her crazy with my tenaciousness, my inability to admit I was wrong and my constant need to have the last word.  Yes, my mother is a saint and like many moms’ who raised shall we say "challenging" daughters, she wished upon me a daughter just like me, and I got one! The jury is still out on the 2nd daughter as she is only 10, but that is a whole other story.

Growing up a redhead with pale skin, greenish eyes and freckles, that was an interesting time.  Being a redhead with all the traits and qualities previously mentioned, let’s just say it was, at times challenging for me and those around me.  I remember so often wanting to change everything about myself.

Like many girls in their early teens I tried everything to change my hair color (lemons, peroxide and as I got older, actual hair color).  God I wanted to be a blond.  Like many who grew up in the error of the iconic and yet unrealistic Brady Bunch show I tried like hell to erase my damn freckles with lemons (Thanks Jan Brady for nothing).

I never felt like I fit in my own skin.  Although I can remember my mom telling me how wonderful and unique I was, I wanted to change myself desperately.  As a redhead, children in school can be unkind.  Add freckles to the mix and well the comments were not always kind.  (Ginger, carrot top, freckle face to name a few).  No one wants to be different, especially as a pre-teen.

Did you know that in medieval Europe, a Witch-hunting manual, "instructed that red hair and green eyes were marks of a witch, as were freckles."  In addition, "of all the hair stereotypes out there, no one suffers more injustice than redheads do. Throughout history, we have been subjected to discrimination and fearful prejudice, being viewed as untrustworthy, mischievous, temperamental, and lustful." (Great.....lets add witch to the redhead stereotype)  Being a redhead apparently comes with a lot of responsibility!!

Via http://www.divinecaroline.com/37/71866-red-hot-redheads-cool-facts-carrot#ixzz1tRpv6TN1

Then, flash forward 10 or so years and WOW, all of a sudden the gawky, freckle face redhead (with the strong personality) is all of a sudden, not so bad.  You look in the mirror and begin to like what you see and of course being noticed by the boys wasn't terrible.

  

It was not until I was in my 30s, did I really begin to understand who I was and began to be thankful for all that I am.  I began to understand the appeal of being a redhead but more importantly the appeal and importance of being a strong, intelligent, kind, compassionate, caring woman (even with a temper).  In my 40s however I really began to embrace everything that is my life and the person I am.   I began to understand the importance of being in control but learned how to balance that with the ability to compromise.  I began to learn how to be competitive and yet make the "bigger picture" a priority.  I began to truly know the importance of the strength I possess but learned that it does not make me weak to be vulnerable and ask for help.  I learned that I am not always right and that having the last word is not all its cracked up to be.  Refraining from that last remark and giving others hat opportunity allows for so much more learning.  You learn that listening is one of the most valuable communication strategies we have.

Well what ever the reason.  However I received these personality traits, qualities and skills, I would not change them for a moment.  They are who I am.  They define me.  They have served me well for the better part of 44 years and they have made me what I am today.  While I have learned in the last 10 years how to calibrate some of them, how to "tone" them down a bit in certain situations (specifically the OCD, control freak, short tempered, need to be right about everything traits) and how to use them to make me and the world and people around me better, I am blessed to be a fiery, unabashed, driven, confident, motivated, competitive and mischievous woman.  I will attribute some of this to my birth order but would like to believe that being a redhead has a lot to do with it too.

I am proud to represent 2% of the population.  I like being called rare and unique. I am happy to be part of a population that studies indicate that it really is the redhead who has more fun (yes the studies indicate that we desire and have a little more fun in the bedroom, if you catch my drift). So here I find myself, after years of wanting to change my hair color, wishing away my freckles and light skin, wishing I could change the traits I was blessed with and have made me successful, being completely and utterly happy.  Being content in that pale skin and being the fiery, sexy and mischievous redhead that I am today!  Yes for many I may be a mystery, but I wouldn’t have it any other way!