Are we truly not given more than we can handle?

There is a saying, "God does not give you more than he thinks you can handle".  Whether you are religious or not, believe in a God or not, we all know the saying.  Chances are we have all been told this at some point in our life.  It is only repeated at times of unrest, stress or uncertainly in one's life.  I ask, how come this saying is never brought out of a friend or acquaintance's arsenal of motivational, "pep talk" quotes and advice when things are good?  Is that because unlike the many hardships, stresses, self-imposed or perceived negative situations in our life, God would also not give us more happiness and joy than he think we can handle?  At the onset of hearing someone tell you this, I know my immediate response used to be "I know", "I am a strong woman, capable of handling what ever might come my way".  Now however, after hearing this statement more than I would care to say, my immediate response is "How do I know that I am strong enough?"

I was having lunch with one of the coolest people I know this week when we were deep in conversation about, well everything.  Life in general and like many of you out there we talked little about the good things in our life, the things we all say we are blessed to have but forget so quickly.  We spent much of our hour and  half lunch talking about "that stuff that God does not give us unless he knows we can handle it"  As I listened to this person, 20 years my junior, talk about her struggles, her fears and concerns, the insight I want to share is that nothing much changes in 20 years.  Yes, some of us mature, or like to think we do.  Yes, the actual struggles and issues are different but the reaction to them, the coping mechanisms we use and the way in which we lean on each other for support does not change.

How cool would it be to pull this saying out during a conversation detailing all the wonderful and amazing things going on in your life?  We all want happiness, we all are in search of that "thing: that "feeling" and for some that "person" that intangible and sometimes elusive thing that we believe will make us happy.  How cool would it be to start believing that not only are we NOT given more than we can handle with life's daily trials, tribulations, stresses and challenges, but that we are also NOT given more than we can handle in terms of happiness, love, friendship, passion and what I am sure are many other things you all think about?  I believe it takes the same amount of strength, compassion, tenacity, confidence and modesty to handle all that is good in your life as it does to handle the "not so great" in our lives.  Maybe if we did this, we would realize that there is no limit to handling both the good and the bad.  Not to discount the original saying but maybe we are not given more or less than we can handle, maybe this is just life, our journey and every decision, every act, every word spoken or not spoken is truly what creates our ability to work through and handle what ever we are faced with.

This week was a very emotional and tear filled week for me.  I was all over the emotional map and truth be told, I still am.  I was lucky enough to share my time with some very special people and listen, learn, gain insight, offer support and just be their friend.  Each of these wonderful people has a story.  They are all, in some way dealing with so much in their lives.  No more or less than me or you (who ever you are if you are reading this) but it is their journey and they are learning how to cope, work through and triumph.  They are all doing it with such grace and style.  I learned much from them this week.  The lessons I learned are raw and uncomfortable. I learned that while I am a strong and at times a fearless woman, I am scared of much.  I learned that while I am an honest person, I am not always honest about my feelings, my wants and needs with the people I need to be.  I, myself am one of the people I am at times least honest with.  My fears often prevent me from facing the reality that is my journey.  I am scared that if I am truly honest with myself about certain things that the epiphany I am sure to have will not be so pretty.  At the same time, I know that in order for me to continue successfully on this journey I must face that fear and accept what ever the outcome might be.  I also learned, and prepare yourself because its a big one, I am angry at where I find myself sometimes.  I have no one to blame but me, but wish I could place the blame elsewhere.  I often care too much about what others will think about me and my decisions and will judge me.  I often wish for the answers and the easy way out, knowing intellectually that I alone possess the answers and know how to create the path.  This is me and I am human.  For some, I hope that the words I have just written resonate.  I am sure they are the words some of you have also thought but did not want to say out loud because that would make them real.  These are my truths and while not so pretty, impossible to ignore.

So my pledge to myself and those I care about is to begin using my own saying when supporting them.  I will begin to live the mantra that indeed we are not given more than "God or whomever you believe in" thinks that we can handle but that this applies to not only the stresses and hardships in our life but also to all the wonderful things that happen to each of us every day.  Lesson: our ability to handle both hardship and happiness has no boundary; there is no cap on happiness or sadness.  We are all capable of dealing with both and both are equally important in our journey.  I know they are for me.  I created my own hardships this week now it is up to me to create the happiness that I know somewhere, deep down, exists.